Saturday, January 03, 2004

Manhattan Transfer vs. 2003: A Recap.

The Line Up.
2003--gigantic, endless, mean-spirited and evil year. In his corner: capitalism, neoconservatives, mad NASA scientists, Michael Bloomberg, Ohio, the Yankees, and a billion Chinamen.
Manhattan Transfer—dissolute reactionary on a downward spiral. In his corner: whiskey, decadence, the Bulgarian bar and some very dangerous people.

Round 1.
2003 Fires Everyone Who Works in Finance and Media Who Wasn’t Fired in 2002.
Manhattan Transfer survives the slaughter only to discover that his job, like, totally sucks.
2003: 2
Manhattan Transfer: 1

Round 2.
2003 Continues War Against Terrorism By Not Actually Fighting Any Terrorists.
Manhattan Transfer responds by refusing to give a fuck about politics ever again.

2003: 1.
MT: 1.

Round 3.
MT Creates a Very Funny Website Warning Americans about the Danger of Space Spiders.
2003 Blows Up the Space Shuttle.

2003: 1
MT: 1.

Round 4.
2003 Shuts Out All the Lights.
Manhattan Transfer gets drunk with everyone else in New York City, makes out with girls and decides that we really are indestructible.

2003: 1.
MT: 1.

Round 5.
2003 Bans Smoking.
Manhattan Transfer starts smoking.

2003: 1.
MT: 1.

Round 6.
2003 Crushes Every New York Sports Team.
Manhattan Transfer responds by refusing to give a fuck about sports ever again.
2003: 1.
MT: 1.

Round 7.
2003 drives my friends to sobriety, or exiles them halfway around the world.
Manhattan Transfer responds by making friends with a far more deadly gang.

2003: 2.
MT: 4.

Round 8.
2003 gets drunk and dies on December 31.
Manhattan Transfer gets drunk and survives to fight another year.

Final Score
2003: 9
MT: 11. The Champion!