Wednesday, March 03, 2004

If This Were TMFTML, I'd Have Worked In Something About Cocks or Blowjobs:

The Jayson Blair public relations blitz, once thought to be an extensive tour of television programs such as Dateline, Today, Larry King Live, The View and Hardball, is entirely fabricated. According to credible sources, the disgraced former New York Times reporter is not doing anything to promote his book and is planning on using the publicity budget from his publisher to get poluted at Siberia.

In addition, the book, "Burning Down My Masters' House," will be not actually be reviewed in The New York Times Book Review after all, according to Book Editor Charles McGrath, who had said last week he was unsure if the paper should give the book any attention. "We decided to review it," McGrath said. "But we cannot actually find a copy. We're beginning to suspect the book doesn't really exist at all, and that Jayson just made the whole thing up."

When reached for comment Mr. Blair gave a detailed description of his experience appearing on the View, which isn't scheduled to be filmed until next week. "Oh, yeah. Sorry I sort of made that stuff up. But I had you going, didn't I? The Blair-man's still got it! Do you know where I can get any more gear?" Mr. Blair said from where he sat on the bathroom floor of his favorite Port Authority hangout.

Mr. Blair later explained that he didn't see the point of actually writing a book when he was most famous for not doing things. Also he hadn't got around to buying a lap-top to write on. When pressed on where he had spent the advance from his publisher, which included a technology stipend to buy a lap-top, Mr. Blair was already making out with someone who said they knew a guy who had a phone number of someone who could get this guy from 140th Street to deliver.

"Look, I'm going to be a bit busy for awhile. If you want more on me, go read the great series I just wrote from Haiti," Blair said.