Thursday, March 18, 2004

Very, Very Gay

One of the most disappointingly underutilized web resources is veryverygay.com. It picks on that little hobbit fellow but leaves the rest of the universe untapped. We deserve to know who else is very, very gay. Is Jude Law very, very gay? How about that guy who played Lloyd Dobler? Okay, I know that pretty much everyone you read about in the gossip pages being a couple with someone from the opposite sex is very, very gay.

But what about those people Page Six is afraid to write about? That is, what about the New Outsiders?

Overserved. Works in a jewelry shop=gay. Spent a lot of time in the Orient = gay. Has a “friend” who is an artist =gay.

Overserved is very, very gay.

Maccers. Has been sober at work three times=gay. Knows Scottish fashion photographer phenom=gay. Wakes up at five-forty-five in the morning to go to the gym, breakfasts on a banana then throws up =gay. Knows the best salad place near Union Square=gay. Has special relationships with her doorman, personal trainer and her fruit man=gay.

Maccers is very, very gay.

D-Nasty. Pretends he is in prison =gay. Has a penchant for poetry from the far east =gay. Once wrote “I now feel like escargot and a cheese plate” =gay.

D-Nasty is very, very gay.

Eurotrash. Her father thinks she is gay=gay. She is always having her period=gay. New Jersey residency= gay.

Eurotrash is very, very gay.

Elizabeth Spiers. Is a journalist=gay. Got a lot of “I thought you were a gay guy” emails while at Gawker=gay. Photographed in leather boots beside Bazima = gay. Is not naked on the internet, ever=gay.

Elizabeth Spiers is very, very gay.

Hereitype. Has dainty hands=gay. Considers herself the “aunt” of Gawker . She went to Spain=gay.

hereitype is very, very gay.

ManhattanTransfer. Gets sentimental about losing women to crooked national leaders= gay. Rejected by the New Yorker=gay. Gets socks for Christmas, and likes it=gay. Archives broken on blog=gay. Wrote a whole post claiming everyone he knows is very, very gay=gay.

ManhattanTransfer is very, very gay.

You. Read blogs=gay. Read entire posts about who is gay=gay. Notice the condition of your nails while you type=gay. Are thinking of making a comment by clicking below=gay.

You are very, very gay.