Monday, April 04, 2005

Open letter to Miss Anna's Subconscious 

Dear Inner Workings of My Brain:

I know we've always had a live and let live relationship, but it's time I laid down some ground rules. You need to just take a break from the dreams for awhile.

Don't get me wrong. Even I can find amusement in the crazy stuff you come up with. Dreaming about being in an eighties rock band that¹s on the run from Godzilla can be fun. Those dreams where I open a door and learn that my apartment is actually cavernous are kind of neat. And I do appreciate that I haven¹t had one of those naked in public dreams for awhile.

But it's bad enough that you place my coworkers in comprising positions in the night. This morning you went too far. Sleeping through my alarm because you were making me have dirty dreams about my exboyfriend was irritating.

It took me most of the day to realize that you were just fucking with me.

I guess it was my fault for watching Sex and the City on TBS last night. But seriously, couldn¹t you just have let me dream about Jason
without making the Ex look like him? I mean, let's be clear. He had his moments. But that was just vicious.

I'm glad I amuse you, but we need to put a stop to this. There's not much distance between thinking your dreams are real and the looney bin. You've gotten me in trouble with other dreams I thought were real before - and don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about.

Now I mean it. If you don¹t get right soon, I'm going to enforce a strict Clockwork Orange regime to get you into shape. I may have been threatening to listen to that natural sounds crap on my alarm clock for years now, but I'm gonna do it this time. Irritating bird noises and electronic beach sounds all night long. Shape up.

Miss Anna