Monday, December 19, 2005

Gnome in Chief 

Close observers of president George Bush are saying that last night's Oval Office speech marked a major shift in the way the administration is talking about Iraq. But then I am not a closer observer of the president, and neither are you; so we won't dwell on that. To us, it sounded pretty much the same. Which is to say, it still sounds like the Underpants Gnomes are running our Iraq policy.

You remember the Underpants Gnomes, right? They were a community of gnmoes who steal underpants in accordance with their three-phase business plan.

Step 1: Collect underpants
Step 2: ?
Step 3: Profit!

Of course, none of the gnomes know what the second phase is, and all of them assume that someone else within the gnome community does. Even when the lack of an intermediate step is made clear to them, they persist on pointing to the last step. Look, if you aren't against making a profit why are you trying trying to mess with our business plan?

Unfortunately, the gnomes probably never figured about how to turn underpants into profits because they have been drafted into the Bush administration and put in charge of Iraq.

Step 1: Spill American blood, treasure and national presige in a desperate battle against "an enemy that is determined and brutal, unconstrained by conscience or the rules of war."

Step 2: ?

Step 3: Victory!