Tuesday, September 30, 2003

Attention Ladies: How to Avoid Arthritis? Stay thin, never do housework and wear heels.

Saturday, September 27, 2003

The worst part about waking up in the morning without a hangover? What the fuck are you talking about? I have no idea.

Friday, September 19, 2003

More Like This Please: We got excited when we read the headline "Rock Band Plans Onstage Suicide." Unfortunately, the band members are not shuffling off their own mortal coils. It's some poor sick "right-to-die" type who is scheduled to off himself.

Looks like we still have to kill all the rock stars ourselves.

Wednesday, September 17, 2003

Spiers Pulls a Sohn: Elizabeth Spiers gawks no more. Her much discussed vacation at New York magazine has turned into a full-time position, and our six times daily lessons in Spite & Irony will now be taught by the substitute, Choire Sicha.

What to expect? Less Vincent Gallo, more gratuitous Hilton bashing. Less of Spiers's wide-eyed New York as an alien planet, more of Sicha's knowing New York as the entire planet. Even less of real-estate and finance, and even more of star mapping. Probably no Christopher Hitchens or Gogol Bordello at all.

In retrospect, the clearest sign that this was coming was that Gawker publisher Nick Denton told Spiers to take the job at New York.

US Defeats Star: If there's no New York team playing, I root for sports teams like a girl--whoever has the best name or the best uniform. That's why I was so disappointed to discover that Star magazine has completely abandoned the Battle of Bryant Park.

Star had everything over us: snappy pink-trench coat uniforms, more alluring looking women handing out their fashion week special editions, and the approval of Meghan Stier. Not to mention the relentlessly hyped capture of former-US editor and permanent Gweneth Paltrow nemesis Bonnie Fuller. US minions showed up wearing nothing better than pink (for the girls) and black (the lads) t-shirts emblazoned with the US logo.

But today Star is nowhere. The steps in front of the hideous Fashion Week tent are owned and operated by US. Fashion Week has been won by the dull.

Update: As of this morning, Star magazine rejoined the battle. Tune in later for the latest developments.

Sunday, September 07, 2003

Tom Friedman Award: "[Iraq's] borders were drawn in 1920 with advice from that romantic lady explorer Gertrude Bell, and many of its greatest sites were carefully classified by Sir Max Mallowan, husband of Agatha Christie. (With this pair of seasoned eccentrics I once took a highly bizarre punting trip in Oxford.)"
--Christoper Hitchens, Vanity Fair, October 2003

We love the Hitch as much as the next girl but this is the sort of gratuitous remark that would get him thrown out of the tailor shop bar, and provides The Greatest Writer of Our Times with so much of his material.

P.S. Isn't it also less than clear to whom "this pair" refers? Christie and husband Mallowan? Mallowan and Bell?

Thursday, September 04, 2003

It's Official. Summer's Over. Pilgrim Girl left this message on my voice mail last night.

"Hey. I'm with Mo' and we're in one of those tent places in Brighton Beach. Later, I guess, we're going back to Williamsburg. If you want to come by, we're going to attempt to make mulled wine."

Mulled wine=no longer summer.

Tuesday, September 02, 2003

What We Really Care About. Sully and Grasshopper, again.

Sully: "I just ran over some F*&%$ing jogger with my bike down near Battery Park. I know she's going to sue me."

Grasshopper: "Was she hot?"

I did not just read that. Creepy actor-writer-sorcerer Vincent "Vinny" Gallo is a "rabid" fan of George Bush and wants to get into Laura Ingraham's leopard print skirt, according to Page Six. More shockingly, he is dying to get on Bill O'Reilly's television show. MT certainly understands the Ingraham obsession--she's far prettier, smarter and closer to membership in the human race than starvation artist, super-bitch Ann Coulter. And plenty of otherwise sensible people are crushing on the President these days. But O'Reilly? Say it isn't so!